August 20

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#weekendcoffeeshare: Would You Believe…..

Would you believe if I told you I am not a strong woman? Would you believe if I told you that I have lost faith in love? Would you believe if I told you that I continue to fight the many battles that no one has any idea about?  Would you believe?

Here I am sitting in front of you, having coffee and a conversation that perhaps could either stir curiosity on the questions asked or make you uneasy about the whole conversation. Does it matter whether you will believe it or not? It could or it could not. I’m not here to convince any one (not even you) to believe me. But I do know that many people do end up believing what appears in front of them and what they hear from others without thinking anything else beyond it. I want you to think beyond what I ask, say. think or even believe.

Recently, a student tagged me in one of the social media posts. I was one of the individuals seen as the “strong woman” by the student and was tagged in the post as it was dedicated to strong women. Yes, it feels very good when you find out that your students believe that you are a strong woman. But the question is: am I really a strong woman? 

I look around me and I see that women, no matter what the caste, race, nationality, creed or age is, all are facing ugly battles on many fronts. Self esteem, confidence, physical appearance, intellectual abilities and all other capabilities are viciously attacked. And a woman has to conquer them all with a big smile and confident outlook. I am no different. I am also fighting a lot of demons and wars on my own that people around me have no idea about. Life continues to give me tests where I question my values, thoughts and perceptions on a daily basis, making me wonder, why do I have to be one to swallow the bitter pills every time.  Fighting these battles isn’t easy, especially, when the society and cultural expectations have been the major dictator of how a woman should conduct her life. Its fighting against the tide and the many conventional wisdoms  ingrained in our mindsets.  Its’ a fight to find your own voice and identity in the midst of chaos. 

I have fallen many times and got up again only to lose values, perceptions and thoughts that time proved wrong. I am judged on my looks and appearance, rather than on the education, character and the caliber of my work.  Many consider me to be intimidating because I speak my mind and not follow the crowd. I am still afraid to be vulnerable as people have hurt me badly in the past. I have walls around me that ensure no one can penetrate in. My dreams have been shattered by many and having a new dream is a challenge. There are days where I cry my heart out wondering why do I have to give so many tests in life. There are days where I wonder why can I help and lift other young women, but can’t lift myself up?  There are days where I question the purpose of my life, where I wonder what would it take to get to a certain point in life, where I want to run away far from everyone and be at peace.

So if the student or you or the many readers were to read this, would they still believe I am a strong woman?

Am I really a strong woman?   

Would you believe…………………………………………..