Picking Up The Pieces

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Writing is cathartic. The very act of writing observations, experiences, thoughts, and points of view becomes creative, expressive, and rebellious. “The pen is mightier than the sword” stands for all times. The power to persuade, influence, think, and question can change the course of history, growth, and life.

And so here I am, picking up the journey where I left off. Here I am, reflecting, on the profound lessons that have shaped me as a person, the experiences that continue to teach me more, and the voice that is ever-evolving with time.

This introductory blog post shares that deep reflection and what it is hoped to come next.

I am a part of a culture that highly values productivity and hustle, even if it comes, at the expense of health.

“Work”, “career growth”, “achieving it all”, “we can have everything” and “work-life balance” are all terms synonymous with successful professional and personal lives. We now find ourselves in a place where we are burnt out and still are not content with where we are.

Incidents in life become the catalyst for change, deep introspection, and re-evaluation and I am no different. Incidents in my life forced me to stop, reflect, and re-evaluate priorities, dreams, the present journey, and what is to come next. I term this as a “life audit” - where I deeply introspected every aspect of my life with brutal and cruel honesty to understand what I have learned, what I have experienced, and how to use those experiences for a better present.

“When dreams become illusions, chasing illusions becomes dangerous.”

The point where I am standing today might not have been possible, had I not made the mistakes that led the road back to writing. Each mistake has been a learning experience and I do not at all regret in making them.

Mistake #1: Push and Work: when personal affairs are of an intense emotional nature, it becomes extremely difficult to navigate the ugliness it brings with it. We land in a dark tunnel with no light to see the end of it. Surviving this phase requires the shift of energies to a place, or task, that would allow not only a distraction but also, a mechanism to cope with the intense situations. For myself, the only way to survive was to place all my energies and push myself harder at work. The repercussions were harmful at every level from health to hobbies to relationships to self-care - every aspect of life suffered.

Mistake #2 Extreme Focus: When work, only work becomes an entire world, be rest assured that all other aspects of life will crumble as it did for me. There was no time to stop, reflect, take a break or even think as to what direction my life was taking. I had become numb - a way to deflect the pain. If there was a ever a word to describe my situation it would simply be that I was on “auto-pilot” - wake up, work, work, work, work, eat, sleep and do the cycle all over again.

Mistake #3 Not Valuing Oneself: every woman is guilty of this mistake. We don’t appreciate what we bring to the table and how much we contribute in a variety of roles. When we bring a lot to the table and still have to compete or struggle, still have to prove ourselves over and over again, and still are told that we lack experience or strengths, despite giving more than one hundred percent, then clearly the question staring us in the face is: where am I going and where is the cycle going? Why am I always running and missing out on moments now? Even nature does not operate at one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. Then why are we operating at one hundred percent?

This is where valuing oneself and re-evaluating goals becomes crucial because in every role, every woman brings unique strengths and abilities to the table and gives it all. If the requirement at work or in personal life is to do more and more and more and more, then that work or personal situation needs to be checked not myself giving over and beyond. The endless cycle needs to be broken. When we value ourselves and know ourselves as to what we want, what are we happy with, what are we truly content with, and what we envision our future to be, only then do we reach an understanding of our circumstances, develop boundaries, and take ownership of our decisions. We value ourselves, our strengths, capabilities, and power without letting a time-stamp be proof of our productivity and abilities.

The right path is always the hardest to follow, and yet, it is the one full of growth.

Life never follows a set path no matter how much we plan and set goals. There is nothing wrong with setting goals, but we forget, there is life. We can be thrown curve balls which can turn things around. Some of it is in our control and some of it is not in our control.

My life audit did not show a rosy picture as it proved the number of times I refused to adapt when the curve balls came my way. My mistakes brought the learning experiences at the expense of my well-being. The neglected well-being was showing itself through more sickness, anxiety, resentment, feeling frustrated and suffocated, and at times, just too numb to even get out of bed. So if I was unwell spiritually and physically, adapting to curve balls was a long way off. The right path is never meant to be easy. It is meant to be challenging for this is what keeps us alive and sane as humans.

The lessons presented the way forward in multiple ways such as: slowing down is good for one’s health, seeking guidance and help from friends and parents is not a bad thing, re-aligning with your dreams and dreaming again is compulsory because that’s what makes us humans. Dreams allow us to open the inner doors of what we truly desire and set out the path for ourselves. Here having a professional coach to understand the underlying dynamics creating hindrances in the way of development both in professional and personal life is worth it. Investment in coaching for self-development is the best decision one can ever take. Re-writing and revising goals is good. Listening to your heart is good, especially if the mind walks alongside the heart. Learning to take one step at a time and not to always run is pure bliss.

It is simply re-aligning yourself with your values, building a life according to those values and every now and then, taking a stock of where one stands and where one wants to go further.

A life learner, I want to learn, experiment, observe, research, and create. This set the stage for my goals. Listening to the inner voice and honoring it, I return to the world of writing, reviving “Perspectives”- a journey I left in 2013.

“Everyone has their own time clock in their life. Trust the timings of your life.”

Invajy

Looking back, I have no regrets. If anything, I am grateful for every experience, every mistake, and every misstep that has brought me where I am today. It taught me the value of stepping back, revisiting my values, aspirations, and dreams, and taking stock of where I stand. It made me learn that boundaries are a necessity, that the small voice that lies within is crucial for it speaks to our true selves, that dreams are what makes us imagine and be creative, that aspirations can change and we always have it in us to change and redirect our paths. Mental, emotional, and physical health all are the real keys to happiness and success. When one of them is imbalanced, it will overflow into all other areas.

So we should not be afraid to make strong decisions, even if to others, they seem extreme. We should not be afraid to care for ourselves first than always taking care of others and neglecting ourselves. Self-sacrifice is not a model template to follow in life. What matters most is taking that very first step that we are scared of, being ready that circumstances will change, and we will need to find and learn new ways to adapt by taking one step at a time. The rest will fall in place as we continue

So here is the first step. Now the actual work begins.