The ‘Commitment’ Obsession


The news of Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson with the married director is on every entertainment and news website, to an extent, that I am nauseating now. I am irritated and my mind is now racing towards a billion direction from relationships to love to many other issues. Therefore, I was forced to write out this post.

The news is BIG because it involved a married director with two kids and a young actresses who was already in relationship for three years.  There lies the clue! The whole issue in this entire saga is of commitment.

Observing the trend in the media, the discussions in real life with friends and within professional boundaries, I ask what is ‘commitment’? Do we even understand the concept or the definition of commitment?  Do we need commitment? If we cannot uphold commitments does it really matters? If yes, then to what extent?

The definition of commitment is given as follows:

1. the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose

2.  the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action

3. a message that makes a pledge

and the list goes on.  In real life, the word holds different meanings for different people in different contexts and situations. One of the striking feature of the definition is the ‘sincerity’ aspect.  How many of us are sincere to ourselves and to other people?  Sincerity to ourselves is often seen by others as selfish, self-centered and cold. Some lie in extremes while others lie somewhere in the middle. The important aspect is are we sincere to others? I would say most of the times the answer is no.

We are not sincere to others because our ego, objectives and self-interests always comes in the way.  We think about our benefits and our needs first before the others. In relationships, this behavior leads to our downfall. Today, most relationships fail because we fail to see good in the other individual, complain a lot about the flaws, focus more on the negative aspects, lack of compromise and lack of sincerity.  I do not advocate compromise and sincerity to an extent that one loses self-respect and dignity. But sometimes, one has to compromise for a number of reasons. There are number of ways to tackle the situation and if the issue is approached in a different manner, most problems can be solved. But should the approach lack sincerity, then no issue can ever be solved genuinely.

Sincerity today is a concept that looks good only in books, especially in relationships. Now relationships are more about glamour and glitz.  Not for once does it cross our minds that relationships like every other aspect of life demands attention and needs to be worked at.  The truth is we have all our own flaws. When we fall in love and are with someone special, we need to accept their flaws and rather than focusing on the flaws, pay attention to their good points and magnify the positive aspects to make life better.  The entertainment industry has made relationships a joke as it has largely portrayed the glamour aspect of it; the coyness, the dates, the little secrets, asking personal private question. In turn, commitment is now a joke because the patience and honesty in relationships is disappearing. Commitment – the very word has no real meaning anymore.  If I am in a relationship, I will not discuss my private life’s aspects with anyone. It is a personal space where a variety of emotions exists which requires work.This is where commitment comes in; to work together at every stage of life no matter what obstacles are in the way.

There are times of ups and downs and discussing it out openly in public means allowing others to control your life when they shouldn’t. Commitment does not enter the picture her because that private space is somehow lost when discussed with others.  Sincerity is the critical key of commitment and of a good relationship. If you are with that special individual who trusts you, loves you for what you are, encourages you in all aspects of life and supports you, then why on earth would you ever, ever deceive them?  Why be in any relationship when you cannot be sincere and honest? Why? Is it necessary to break someone’s heart? Yes, there could be aspects that might be the cause of problems, but again, by focusing on the positive points, the flaws could be dealt with.

Commitment is an overrated term. Frankly speaking, we have lost the meaning of commitment altogether. Relationships hold no value today. If they work, good, if they don’t  kick them out (and here I am not referring to abusive relationships at all as they are altogether a different issue. My main focus is good healthy relationships that go awry). There is no value of sincerity because today all relationships suffer from moral hazard problem.

So all the fuss about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson is really a reflection of how we view commitment and relationships. It is about time we start reflecting on ourselves before pointing any fingers on anyone. If we do not understand what commitment is, then its better not to get involved in any project,work or even a relationship. We will save someone’s time from being wasted and someone’s heart from being broken.

Learn first what commitment is before stepping. Commitment is not a joke, it is real hard work!